Paying it Forward

You may recall that we found Anju through the website Rainbowkids, which features children with special needs needing adoptive homes, three years ago in an article written by Teri Bell of AIAA. The article featured 3 children with spina bifida at Ashraya: a child we were pursuing who ended up being adopted by an Indian couple, Anju, and our friend Vismay. How delighted we are that all 3 of these children found families!

Teri is the one who visited Anju at 6 months of age right after she had been transfered to Ashraya from Sisters of Charity. We have pictures and videos that she took at that time which are priceless to us, and of course, we would never have read the description of Anju if not for her article.

Anju's baby pictures- taken by Teri

So, I was thrilled that a recent phone conversation with Teri resulted in her using Anju's picture and a few quotes from me in order to help promote the adoption of two more special children at Ashraya who are waiting for homes in her new article.

I have seen pictures of the girl with spina bifida who is described, and she just beautiful. I know that her birthday is a month off of Anju's and that she also was at Sisters of Charity before being transferred to Ashraya. The surgery they describe that she recently had was one that was brought up at Anju's last sb appointment --- we are doing therapy at home to prevent Anju from needing it.

As Teri and I discussed, and she mentions in the article, Ashraya is not a home. No matter how well they care for the children (and this could be debated but let's just let it go, shall we?), there is nothing more important than the love and attention a family provides.

Please pray with me for the children at Ashraya who wait.

My Little Snow Angel

Anju was giddy with excitement to get outside and enjoy our new snow. Since it was a mild day (upper 20's), I let her play around in the front yard while I watched from the front steps. She had a ball making snow angels, even though she sank pretty far into the snow and couldn't move much. She found our kid-sized snow shovel and did some shoveling for me. Maybe next time she'll even shovel somewhere near the sidewalk! She'll have plenty of opportunity for practice, as we're currently getting more snow, supposedly 8" or so.

Gotcha Day 2010

November 20th marked 2 years that Anju has been home with us in the USA. November reminds us so much of India and of those first moments spent with her, both abroad and at home. The two worlds mesh so well for us this month: the beginning of winter weather makes the intricate and comforting spicy curries so much more enjoyable and the Thanksgiving holiday falling so close to her Gotcha day causes us to reflect much on all the blessings she has brought to our family.

Anju's first smile for us at the airport in Amsterdam on November 20th (local time).

It was worth the wait.

Anju enjoys Dutch Apple Pie (which in the Netherlands is just apple pie) and a sausage roll

while waiting for our next flight in Amsterdam.

She did a good job of balancing herself on the bench while eating-

at this time she could not even stand by herself.

Anju with her ice cream pizza this year.

Pumpkin Huntin'

Last year, because of travel and weather, we never made it for our annual pumpkin patch trip. So, Anju had never had her own pumpkin before. This year, we found a local farm, and brought the kids to pick pumpkins. It was during an incredibly windy and cold spell--can you tell?

Anju picked the smallest pumpkin she could find. The thing was tiny in comparison to the huge pumpkins the other kids picked out--but she was just giddy about her "baby" pumpkin.

Anju dug right in like the older kids, enjoying the goo between her fingers once she saw that Solveig thought it was fun.

Anju carefully drew a face and little legs on her pumpkin with marker, and I sawed the holes in for her following her pattern.

Our 3 pumpkins lit up

On the 31st, we started the day with our Reformation Day celebration at church. After our wonderful worship service featuring Luther hymns, the kids brushed up on their Reformation history in Sunday School with a movie about Luther's life and some activities.

Then, in the afternoon, they got their costumes on to get some candy. Solveig spent the evening with her friends, and the other 2 kids went with us a few blocks away to our community Halloween party, where carnival games and drawings take the place of door-to-door treat seeking.

Solveig the spy

Bunny and pirate

Anju playing carnival games for candy at the community party

Perspective

Anju sees a little brown girl on the computer screen. She immediately knows she is from India, and recognizes the orphanage furniture in the background from pictures of herself. "Look! My friend born from India!" she giggles with delight, even though she's never met this girl.

It got me thinking how many "India friends" this girl has. She could name at least 6, likely more, and the closest one geographically to us is in Illinois. Technology has opened up a whole new world of communication for everyone- friends, relatives, classmates- they can all know what each other have for breakfast through Facebook and use the "friends and family" rate on their cell plan to call each other for free at will. No more waiting for the weekend or 11 pm to call your mom. In another country? No problem! No $800 phone bill is necessary to share your experiences- just blog or e-mail your loved ones.

So how will this change the way my internationally adopted daughter grows up? Adoption books are full of anecdotes from adult adoptees telling of their difficult emotional pilgrimage of identity crisis or anger. Certainly in the past, having a community from the same country/culture in your neighborhood has been a positive thing. So has knowing other adopted kids you can relate to. Discussing the adoption and motivations and showing pictures and telling the story are also important tasks. But what she's got is different.

She mentioned a few months back that all daddies are pastors and all mommies are mamas. And, looking from her perspective, that's true. Pretty much all of our social contacts are with families where the dad is a pastor and the mom is a mom. Likewise, Jonah used to talk as a preschooler that when he grew up he would be a pastor and his wife would work for the city. Yep, makes sense from what he saw.

At this point, especially since she hasn't started school yet, Anju is pretty convinced that having white parents and an Indian kid with white siblings is extremely normal. And, having "internet" friends that you see only rarely-if at all- is pretty normal too.

A few days ago we were snuggling in my bed, and I said something about her being my girl. She looked at me and said, "Actually, I maybe not your girl. I born from India." After assuring her that she was indeed my girl and it didn't matter if she was from India, I momentarily wondered if all this India-talk was affecting her in a way I hadn't considered, putting her difference front-and-center instead of on the side.

But, watching her beam at her new little India friend on the computer reassured me. She is happy and proud of being from India. She instantly feels bonded to other kids with similar stories. She will have a community of support unprecedented by the adoption literature of the '90's. When she feels different and alone, she'll have her India friends to e-mail. She might even know what they had for breakfast! She will be OK.

The Little Wedding That Could

When we left home Thursday morning, we were driving down to Rochester to attend/ participate in Shawn's sister's wedding at Whitewater State Park on Saturday. The idea of an outdoor reception at the park was already being replanned, due to cold and rainy weather. It poured for over half of the supposed 6 1/2 hour trip (ended up being more like 8) from our house to the hotel, which wasn't fun to drive in. My discomfort driving, however, was only a minor detail compared to the damage the rain did to others.

En route, we discovered that the roadway between us and Rochester was closed due to flooding. The detour we were sent on was heavy with traffic and it took us an hour to go 15 miles. We were routed through the town of Zumbro Falls. The water under the bridge there was fast and furious and contained many limbs and portions of trees and foliage. The park was flooded right up to the road. Only a few hours after we drove through, that road was flooded and the water rose 7 or 8 feet into homes and businesses. We saw on the news the next day small buildings and structures- even a Pepsi machine- being carried away by the water.

We also learned on the way, that Shawn's grandparents in Pine Island had been evacuated from their home. They are unable to return to it, as the water had it's way with the structure and their belongings, and are currently living in an assisted living facility. Shawn's parents were high and dry a few blocks away, but were unable to get out of town to see us that evening because all the roads were flooded. The kids were disappointed, and Jonah asked them on the phone, "Do you have the proper materials to build a raft?"

Whitewater State Park and the nearby towns were flooded. The ceremony could not be held there. The 2nd choice location for the reception was located in the city of Pine Island, which was now a large lake with police surrounding it, arresting trespassers in canoes.

So, we arrived in Rochester and had pizza and pool swimming with the bride-and-groom-to-be, unsure of when the bride's parents would be able to leave their home, worrying about the status of her grandparents' home, and unsure where her wedding would take place or who would be able to attend.

By the next morning, a route had opened up for Shawn and Sara's parents to leave Pine Island. Shawn and I had joked with the check-in clerk at the hotel the night before about having the wedding there- and Friday morning, that's just what Sara decided to do. It didn't take much to relocate the wedding the day before- Plan C worked out quite well. The hotel was only a couple blocks from Sara's home, and the staff was wonderfully accommodating about it all. In the end, it turned out just lovely.

Congrats, Sathish and Sara!

The kids playing "James Bond" with cousin Josie

The Tummy Question

This weekend we were enjoying some family DVD time together, when one of the classic elements of episodic television was featured: a woman, bursting with child, goes into labor at an inopportune moment.

This launched into a discussion of babies in tummies- primarily with Anju asking the questions and the other members of the family offering answers.

"Why a baby in her tummy?"

"That's where babies grow to be safe and warm until they are big enough to be born."

"Yes, baby safe in there."

(Car chase continues, and I figure out she thinks the baby is safe from the bad guys and the car chase---not from the elements--but OK.)

"When I a baby, I born in Mama's tummy."

"No, you grew in your birth mama's tummy."

"Oh!" Anju smiles and chuckles. "You mean that India Mama?" "India Mama's tummy?"

"Yes."

"Jonah born in Mama's tummy?"

"Yes, Solveig and Jonah both grew in Mama's tummy."

By this time, the baby on tv had been born, and was crying. Anju thought, once again, that he must be crying because he was scared of the bad guys outside the farm house. And, baby conversation is over.

So, the first of the big questions has been asked, with no angst. And, apparently she understands enough of her story to know that there is an "India Mama" in her past, although I'm sure she doesn't really understand who this woman is or the nature of their relationship. Someday, the simple fact that there is a mysterious tummy woman in India will likely be troubling to her. For now, I'm happy to be mama to an imaginative 3-year old, who accepts an Indian tummy mama just like she accepts that she is a princess whenever she puts on a gauzy dress and a crown.