Adoptive mother ramblings

For my birthday, I purchased a DVD at Target that was on sale for $10 of the first 2 seasons of the TV show "Jon and Kate Plus 8" that I've heard so much about. Since we don't get that channel, (and soon will have no channels) I hadn't seen it and thought the story of a family with 6-year old twins and 2-year old sextuplets sounded like encouraging entertainment for me when I had 20 minutes to sit and relax.

Well, the time to relax never came, but I discovered that Anju enjoyed watching the busy toddlers on the tv, so I was able to watch one episode every couple days even if she awoke from her nap early. Knowing several large families myself (6, 10 even 12 kids) I was not shocked to see the chaos and hard work managing such a family brought this couple. I was not shocked to see them all helping and caring for each other, either.

Jon and Kate are Christians. They speak at churches in their Pennsylvania area to inspire others. The television show is very sketchy about the faith issue, as it is not a Christian show. So, when I heard that they had a new book out, "Multiple Blessings", I requested it right away from the library.

It was very interesting to read all the background information about the birth of these babies. As a woman and mother, I think we are drawn to this kind of story: the love of a couple growing and the addition of children to form a family. The inspirational content was pleasant enough to read. I could see that through it all, Kate and Jon's faith was a great encouragement and support to them when things were tough. Besides the medically difficult pregnancy, Jon lost his job twice (companies didn't want to pay insurance for his 6 soon to be born preemies) and Jon's father's health was poor and he eventually died soon after the babies were born.

However you may feel about fertility drugs or IVF or any of that (a whole other issue), there were aspects of the book that troubled me. First of all, their motivation for trying for baby #3. They had used fertility treatments to conceive their twins, since Kate does not ovulate. She wanted a third, while Jon was satisfied with 2. Kate worked as a nurse, and through her job found herself in a position where a teenaged mother asked her to adopt her newborn. Jon's family apparently wouldn't have done well with them having this child, (the child's father was black) but the adoption option convinced Jon that they should do more fertility treatments and have child #3.

Now, as a newly adoptive mother, I felt offended. I'm not sure if I should have, but I did. The way it was written in the book came across to me like adoption = raising someone else's child who would never be a full member of your family. Better to inject yourself with hormones that make you feel terrible and be absent from the lives of your existing children for months than take on "someone else's child". Again, probably not what they felt, but it is how it resinated with me.

She describes in page after page her guilt over not being there for each of her babies and her twins. She talks about how she only really initially bonded with the baby she was allowed to hold right away, and how others it took awhile to bond to. She talks about how volunteers and family members knew more about some of her babies than she did, and when Jon and Kate were finally on their own, the volunteers would have to teach her what each baby likes or doesn't like. She expressed her guilt about this several times. Reading this made me so sad. I saw too many children in India who did not have the nurturing of a mother.

Now with the birth of these California octuplets, who as we learn more and more about seem to have been born in less-than-magical circumstances, I wonder about the whole deal. Kate has given the octuplets' family the encouragement that it is all "God's plan". I won't argue if it is or is not, but wonder why multiple births/biological kids are automatically God's plan, but adoption is not immediately recognized to be so- at least by this family.

Anju talking to Auntie Sara

Prayer police

So, what's going on with Anju? Well--she's quite busy growing excessively (must be 5 or 6 inches at this point), eating excessively, loving her mama excessively, and learning excessively. She is learning words and signs rapidly. She needed help getting the backing off of a foam sticker, so I taught her the sign for "help" (one hand open the other in a fist with thumb up, flat hand pushes thumb hand up) and then took the backing off. She grabbed another sticker and signed back, "emp" with both flat hands moving up. So, the sign isn't perfect, but she's got the meaning and motion down.

She likes to draw our attention verbally and with pointed finger who is not behaving during prayer time. She is our little prayer police- making sure all hands are folded, eyes are not wandering, and lips are moving appropriately. Her siblings really appreciate this. She loves praying- as soon as she is in her high chair, hers are the first hands folded. Even at night time, when she knows this is the "end" and she'll have to go "bye-bye", she is excited to pray.

Anju loves yogurt and sour cream and cool whip all of a sudden. The three were not good, and then all three were incredibly good suddenly a couple days ago. She also likes to eat spaghetti sauce as soup. While her siblings like ramen noodles plain with butter and parmesean cheese, she likes hers with curry powder or sesame oil or some of the dreaded seasoning packet the noodles come with that I've rarely used. She loves her Nido (milk powder we gave her in India) that we can get locally at Wal-Mart.

I can hear the struggle going on downstairs and Shawn keeps saying- "Mama, are you ready??", so off I go to spend another day with my Sweeti!

Almost home!

Please pray for my friend, Brooke, who will be arriving home this afternoon with her mother and new daughter. Please continue to keep this family in your prayers as they adjust to life in the U.S. after challenging events abroad, and the ongoing adjustments adding a new daughter will necessitate. We are praying for you, Brooke!

Toddler, anyone??

This is what a lot of my yesterday morning looked like--and just this once, since my camera was in hand, I decided to document it for Anju instead of deal with it. The mornings are the toughest time for clinginess and refusal to walk/crawl on her own. She wants to be carried. Sometimes she only wants to be held in one spot. Basically, she wants mom to do nothing but stand still and hold her. We've got a strong-willed girl on our hands!

Winkel Kids!

We drove to Audubon yesterday for our monthly circuit pastor's meeting (winkel). Anju was so happy to meet so many kids! She also appreciated our hosts' animals- a puppy and a kitty to play with. She was enamored with the two babies, Inge and Grace.
She was a tad disappointed this morning to discover that her brother and sister had left for school and it was just Mama and Daddy again. She really thrives in a busy, multi-kid environment.
This picture is the winkel kids- one boy is behind another, and we're missing a baby, but you get the idea. These kids are from 4 families. We have been greatly blessed!!

Were is Pup Pup?

During Solveig's piano lesson tonight, Jonah and I stayed home and played with Anju on our couch for about a half hour. The whole time we played, "Where is Pup Pup?" Anju would shove her puppy "Pup Pup" down into the crack of the couch cushion and shrug her shoulders with one hand in the air as if to say "Where is it?" Then Jonah and I would try to find it in funny places, like down her shirt or in a place it could never fit- like inside a tiny candle holder. Then she would point to the crack in the cushion and pull it out, laughing how dumb we were. Then she would kiss Pup Pup on the mouth and shove her back in the couch. I swear, we played this for a half hour, her always hiding Pup Pup in the exact same place. Jonah did a great job of humoring her--I figured he'd bore of this baby game, but he had fun pretending to look.

Her sister did the same thing, and it reminded me how toddlers at this stage will play hide and seek and hide in the same place over and over, not realizing that if it worked once, it won't be a good place the 3rd or 4th time.

Sorry to keep mentioning this, but IT IS COLD!!

I woke up to the sound of the space heater put in the cabinet under the kitchen sink to thaw out the pipes. No cold water. It is still cold, and the big warm-up today should put us around 8 for our high. With the wind chill, still way below zero. But, since we've been indoors so long avoiding the extreme cold, and school wasn't even 2 hours late today at last, Anju and I bundled up to head to the library and some other errands.

Even the garage door didn't want to open today. It creaked open an inch then stopped several times before I helped it manually go up while holding the button down. The cat jumped in the car for warmth while I messed with Anju's car seat.

Anju hadn't been in the snow yet, so while she was bundled up in her snowsuit to go out in the 20-30 below wind chill, I took the opportunity to snap a quick picture. Don't leave me nasty comments--I set her down, took one picture and swooped her back up in a matter of seconds--nothing got frostbitten! I thought this would be a great picture to send to India for our next post-placement report in a month or so. Too bad she isn't holding a thermometer or something! But, I guess unless they have traveled to the tundra, they would have no concept of below zero temps anyway.

We had this snowsuit in the car when we landed in Bemidji in November, and when Shawn brought it in for her (great thing about a small-town regional airport--car was parked in the "more than 7 days" parking lot only 50 feet or so away from the door and Shawn pulled it right up to the airport door and let it idle 15 minutes or so while we got Anju bundled up) she swam in it. It is size 12 months, and her sister wore it when she was 9-15 months. It seemed two times too big when we landed. I don't think her arms or legs were in it more than halfway down the sleeves. Today, it fits perfectly. I'm starting to think that she DID grow 4 or so inches from November 9 when the orphanage measured her to the day of her mid-December doctor's appointment.

She had a great time going to an indoor garage sale where I got a warm fleece sweater and Anju got some jammies amongst other treasures. Then we headed for story time at the library where she really was walking quite a bit.

She must have tuckered herself out, as she's having the best nap she's taken in a long time. Hope it lasts!

Please keep my dad, who is in Milwaukee for medical treatment, my mom and brother, who are with him, and my friend Brooke, who is facing the challenges of international adoption and travel in India, in your prayers.

Poodle Pup-pup

Anju's toy puppy is now called "Pup-pup" and says "baaaa". Anju also has her pant- sticks out her tongue and pants after she says "baaa."

Anju and I colored this morning with her new color crayons. She also found an empty box to sit in. She enjoys playing the organ in our house--Solveig started piano lessons yesterday, and I'm sure Anju will want to take them also. She stops whenever she hears music and points her fingers in the air as if she is a disco queen. ;-)

Traveling blessings on my parents and brother as they journey to Milwaukee for a week. They will visit my grandmother on the way who has been released from the hospital back to the home where they are providing opportunity for recuperation.

Daddy's idea--Child's delight!

Anju had about an hour's worth of fun playing in the (empty) laundry hamper this morning. Her dad set her in to be funny and after he went to his office, she wanted to play in there for a long time. She played ball from there, had her milk in there, and loved to play peek-a-boo with me. What a nut!!

Baby, it's cold outside!

I see now that it has warmed up in Lengby to 17 below. This morning it was 36 below when I checked e-mail. Anju's shirt says it all!

Update on Anju's progress:

Anju likes bananas, oatmeal, Life and frosted flakes cereals, chocolate, carrots, peas, onions, sweet potatoes, vanilla yogurt, spinach/artichoke dip, spanish rice w/ fajita meat, ketchup, kimchi (thanks, Joe), jalepeño poppers, and peanut butter toast. She especially loves her Indian biscuits that she enjoyed at Ashraya. (Thanks to Auntie Sara for replenishing our supply!)

She loves animals in books and on tv/movies, but only likes to admire the real thing from afar. All animals initially say, "baaaaa", although some eventually will say the correct sound. Her new stuffed puppy mostly says "baaaa"--but then again, it is a poodle, so I can see the sheep confusion. The pig saying "baaa", however cannot be explained.

She says, "Mama", "Dada", "ba-bye", "hi", "hot", "mmmmm", "baaa" (on occasion has made the other animal noises too--but that one is her favorite), and this morning said, "puppy." She uses the sign for "milk" when she is thirsty and often signs it and points to her cup after she has gotten it to show us that she has milk--just how we taught her the sign. Very cute.

She can now take 10 to 15 steps and stand while engaging her attention on something without falling. She can walk 4 or 5 steps with items in both hands. She wants to be carried all the time and we're trying to break her of that.

She now loves bathtime, but is very cautious about it- which I like. Naptime is still a struggle, but then who wants to nap when you could be clinging to your mama??

Traveling Mercies

Please keep my friend, Brooke in your prayers as she is on her way to India to pick up her precious new daughter, whom we met when picking up Anju at Ashraya. Godspeed, Brooke!

Blessings

Anju's baptism on 1/4/09

Anju is continuing to be a blessing and a challenge to us. The success in the bathtub has continued, and she now smiles and giggles when she sees the bathroom door. She still prefers to be my "potty buddy" during the day, but busies herself playing with barrettes and toothbrushes instead of what I'm doing. She magically ended her fruit aversion yesterday by eating the banana chunks out of her daddy's Rice Krispies and wanting grape halves for supper. She loves playing ball--especially with her daddy. Anju and Jonah played "Little People" for almost half an hour tonight without anyone getting bitten or pinched.

We have a new morning routine where Shawn gets her up in the morning and I jump in the shower right away as it was getting difficult for her to separate from me once she saw me in the morning. She can usually manage being just with her daddy for 20 minutes or so while I get ready, but often will not eat from him and fusses while she waits for me to come. Yesterday, Shawn said that when the shower upstairs shut off, Anju pointed at the stairs and said "Mama done" and wanted to go up to get me. The concept that I probably needed a few more minutes to dry off, get clothes on, etc. eluded her.

Anju still hates it when I type on the computer. She immediately cries whenever the phone rings. Also nix to another child being on my lap. Anything that gets my attention off of her is a problem. In addition to her attachment process and adjustment to life outside an institution, I think she is a "terrible 2". Her sister was a "terrible 2" from 1 1/2 to age 4 and Anju is much like her sister. She is very independent and totally dependent alternate minutes. She only likes things done one way---until obviously (to her alone) they should be done a totally different way. She thinks she is the queen of the house and wants to be carried all the time. She will fuss for me to carry her to her sippy cup 3 feet away instead of crawl to it. She's not too happy- and by that I mean occasional biting, pinching and crying-when I insist, "Anju do it."

She enjoys going to story time at the library where she can sit in a circle on the carpet with a bunch of kids once again. How much her life has changed in the past few months. Really, when you think about it--it's amazing how readily she has adjusted to her new life. I already find myself forgetting that she has not always been with us. I forget that she looks a little different than me when we are in public and people ask about her. She is fully my daughter and I don't know how I could love any child more. My three wonderful kids are a blessing--yes, a challenge too. How blessed I am to be given the opportunity to help these kids grow into the adults God created them to be.

Please continue to pray for my grandmother who has been hospitalized again.

Success, at last!

Anju has finally had a successful bath. It started out as a "visit" to sister in the bathtub. Thought we'd try that again. Anju seemed engaged, so I set her outside the bathtub standing and holding onto the sides. Solveig started playing with her. After a few minutes, I took off her shirt and Solveig put the sudsing bar (Johnson's and Johnson's) on her arm. Anju giggled at the suds left behind. A little while later, I took off her pants. So she's standing outside the bathtub in her diaper getting pretty wet by this time. Then I took off her diaper. There was concern at this point. Some fussing. I put her inside the tub in not much over an inch of water and she stood and held on from the inside. Solveig stayed in and played. Pretty soon Anju was giggling and allowed herself to be washed. She pointed to where she wanted the soap and we put the soap there. Her hair was washed and rinsed before she even realized it and she didn't want to get out. She enjoyed filling the nesting cups with water and pouring them back out again. She would not sit down--only stood--so I was a "Nervous Nelly" the whole time and only let her be in for about 5 minutes. All the giddiness with the slippery tub and standing up made the mom in me on high alert.

So, next time we'll try bath time with Solveig again and slowly wean her to bath time alone. I'm glad Solveig is a willing participant in this adventure!

Happy birthday, Ryan!