As any good mom would do, I've got her school supplies purchased, labeled with her name, and near the door ready to go. We've got her outfit picked out for the first day. I've got all the registration paperwork filled out together with insurance waviers, snacktime sign-ups and personality inventories. We're good to go.
However, the last question on her survey "about Anju" got me thinking. "Is there anything else I should know about your child?" it says. Having already written about her medical information, fears, goals, strengths, weaknesses, etc., I see a big truth about my child which isn't yet on the paper. Her adoption.
Suddenly, it all comes at me at once. What if the students ask her questions like, "Are those your REAL parents?" or "Where are you from?". What if the teacher wants us to bring in pictures we don't have or information we aren't sure of for a school project? What if she stands out in the sea of white faces so that she is singled out, or stereotyped or bullied?
Up to now, I've been with her to field such winning comments and questions as, "Does she speak English?", "Does she know how lucky she is?", "How much did she cost?", "She is so cute! You sure picked a good one!" and "Where is her real family?". Now she will be on her own.
I acknowledge we're talking about a room full of 5 and 6 year olds, and not a gang of knife-weilding tuffs, but in my experience, kids can be cruel. So, I think about how I can prevent any misunderstandings about our family and how Anju came to be a part of it before anything traumatic or unfortunate is said--- without being overbearing and overreacting to the situation.
I decide to write the basics on the survey: that Anju was adopted at 19 months from India, and that if any kids have any questions about the situation, or if the teacher overhears any comments about our family or Anju's race, that I'd be happy to come to the classroom to answer any questions about adoption they might have. I cruise the "Adoptive Families Magazine" website for their resources about talking to classrooms and teachers about adoption. I read a few articles and feel much better about the situation........ until I get to the sections about alternatives for common projects which may be touchy for an adopted kid (especially international adopted) to do, like family tree or baby-themed projects. I see that they have the projects covered. But they can't fix everything. The projects need to be altered, because we don't know some things. We don't have some things. There are details missing we will never have.
At kindergarten registration, they handed out a poem about how we had had our children for 5 years, and now it was time for them to "fly". (It was sappy and lame and I refuse to find it and post it for you all.) I remember thinking at the time that I HADN'T had her for 5 years and how unfair it was. It's sad to not have the information you need to do a poster about what she was like as a baby........but you can work around it. However, the bigger sadness is that we don't know what she was like as a baby.
I try to focus on the bigger picture. Things that lie ahead- things that are in our control- and let the losses slip into the background.
The bus will come, and my little Anju will (probably with some help) tackle the big steps and get on board. We don't know some things about her past. That's sad. But, her career as student is beginning, and the future holds endless possibilities. And, that's more than wonderful.
