"A"

Anju's children's bulletin from Sunday:

She scribbled all over the front and inside, but drew this on the back. 

 I asked her what it was, and she said, "A".

I'll do it myself!

Anju has a unique self-dressing style that she must try each time 

before she'll admit the need for help.

One of these times it's gotta work, right?

Mission accomplished!

In other news:

I was corrected by my 2-year old tonight.  She had something of Solveig's , and I told her she better put it back in Solveig's room.  She said, "Na na, Yi-Yi ABEN oom!"  (No, no, Solveig and ANJU's room!)  She gave me a sassy look and toddled off to her room.  Or, I should say Solveig and Anju's room.

U Can't Touch Anju!

Friday night, at our friends' house, Anju jumped for the first time.  She's twirled around and danced around, but never had both feet leave the ground before.  Today she's been jumping like M.C. Hammer (gotta get her some parachute pants) and laughing hysterically, as if she's never known that kind of fun before.

Since beginning to walk without help at around 21 months, her motor skills have been progressing at a slow yet steady rate.  She can climb the stairs well now as long as she has one hand free to follow the wall.  Sometimes the heavy fleece blanket she carries with her does impede this, however.  She rides her Little Tikes "bike" (no pedals) by pushing with both legs now and makes tracks outside.  She loves to help set the table even though she can't see the top of the table from her vantage point.  She just kind of tosses everything toward the center of the table, making sure the Dora silverware is at her spot.  She grabs the towels as I fold them and carries them upstairs and leaves them on the floor of the bathroom--not quite the right spot--but almost.  She sweeps imaginary (and sometimes not) dirt with her tiny broom into her tiny toy dustpan and dumps them in the garbage.  She is your average 2-year old- and I am so happy to see that.

So, I think we're making progress.  Her gait is still not right, but she gets where she needs to go.  I can't tell if the orthotics are doing anything.  Her walk does look a bit better, I guess, but when she walks quickly or runs, it seems like she's running from her hips instead of her legs.  Hopefully time will help with this.

Her language skills are also blossoming.  She is getting good at copying things that we say.  She loves to be read to, and can say and identify many colors and shapes, and for some reason the letter "A".  This is a vast improvement over previously just being able to point to things if we said "Where is the _____?".   She is still pretty difficult to decipher if you don't understand signs or her way of saying things, but she can string 4 or 5 sounds/signs together to have a complete thought--so we know that her mind is capable of great things.  She is saying new words every day.

Her ECSE teacher comes 2ce a month, and she has library story time on Fridays which I think is helping with the motor and language skills.  She also is picking up a lot from watching Dora.  I didn't think a bilingual program would be a great idea for her, but the repetative nature of the show has really helped her speech/language skills.  When Dora asks her a question, she'll answer her.  I guess Dora has turned out to have been just the medicine the doctor ordered.  However, I am very sick of Dora and am requesting all kinds of Dora DVDs from the library so that I don't have to watch Dora's Pirate Adventure one more time.

She still requires a lot of "baby" time in my lap with her thumb and blanket- always with lots of conversation about how she is a baby and I am her mama- and lots of kisses and snuggles.  I really enjoy it, but sometimes she wants to do it all day, and unfortunately I have other responsibilities. 

Anju is now a few ounces over 20 pounds and is transitioning completely out of 12 months into 18 months clothes (with the exception of pants where she still has some 6-9 months that she wears due to lack of posterior).  She is using the potty maybe half the time, which is much better than either of my other two did at this age.  Often she tells me she has to go potty and I can tell by her diaper that she just went, but we go through the process anyway.  Kids with her kind of spina bifida often can't toilet train at all--they don't get the signals that they have to go--and many I have read about on an online group I'm in don't have any success until about age 5.   I'm very pleased and surprised by her progress.

There's the latest installment of the periodic Anju progress report.  We look forward to many more months of growth and changes to come!

Doing a great thing

Last night, I found myself watching a show about open domestic adoption.  You follow the prospective parents and the expectant mother through all the emotions and events that occur leading up to the birth and subsequent adoption or mind-changing by the birth mom.  Now my initial thoughts as this is playing out, and it looks like the birth mom might change her mind at the hospital while the prospective parents are caring for a newborn who may not be theirs while nursing wounds from several previous miscarriages is.....that's why we didn't do that.  I could never handle that kind of stress.  (Of course, we wanted a child that otherwise would have no home and there are people from here to eternity lined up to adopt white infants so it wasn't really a serious decision.)

But in this show, the birthmother sticks to her guns and does go through with her adoption plan.  They show her on the phone, baby in one hand, phone in the other, giving the lawyer the go ahead to file her relinquishment papers so the boy's parents can take him and go home.  In this open adoption, she will remain a part of their lives through letters, calls and visits.  She is invited to the baby boy's christening.

In international adoption, the birth parents are usually out of the picture.  The children have  perhaps been in orphanages for months, even years.  The laws of many countries don't allow parents to make adoption plans.  They must remain anonymous and abandon their children.  Sometimes this appears to be done out of love, when they are left where someone is sure to find and care for them.  Sometimes it doesn't appear to be out of love.  We don't have to worry about a birth parent wanting them back- there's no way they could find them.  

So, it's easy to forget sometimes that our child's story didn't begin in an orphanage.  In our case, our daughter spent about 4 or 5 days with her birth family before her life in institutions began.  She surely doesn't remember, but no matter how much we try to ignore the fact, those days happened.  And the idea of an open adoption, where you know the who, why, where, and all that of your child's birth parents really seems attractive.  I would love for Anju to know who her birth family is- to know the circumstances under which she was relinquished.  If they saw the advertisements asking for info about her in the newspaper before she was declared an orphan and ached to cry out, "that's my baby" but kept silent.  If they truly wish they could have kept her.  If they didn't.  

I saw the pain the birth mother went through.  Having delivered two children myself, I can't imagine what it would be like to make the decision that this little person you created is better off with another family and let them go.  When people tell me what a great thing we're doing, I want to say that it was the birth parent who did the great thing in giving Anju a chance at a wonderful life instead of the burdens of whatever circumstances (poverty, inability or no desire to have a girl, unable to provide medical care for her sb, unwanted pregnancy, abusive father, who knows) played into their decision.

I think of Anju's birth family often- maybe even every day- and pray for them.  I encourage other adoptive families to do the same.  It's the closest thing to closure we'll ever have.

More Adoption Day Pictures

The judge brings the children Beanie Babies in honor of Anju's adoption.

(Thanks G&G R for the first 4 pix!)

Forever my girl

How very fitting that the adoption study lady would call today for my phone interview, asking an hour's worth of questions about Anju, her history, our time in India and her adjustment to our family.  Talking to her about what we know about Anju before she came into our lives, and who she has become, helped me process the events of the past hours.  I realized, we don't know much about her past, but we are her future.

I've been trying to reflect on how I felt yesterday at her adoption hearing and just couldn't find the words to describe it.  It was like a cross between a birth and a wedding.  It was both a beginning and an ending: a beginning for our family of 5, and the end to a long journey for us and for Anju.  It was a day of gaining citizenship in a new country, and losing citizenship in the old.  I was thrilled to be asked if I desired to be Anju's mother, yet knew that somewhere out there there was another woman who was forever losing her daughter as I said, "Yes."

The hearing was very short.  We were the only ones in the courtroom, as adoption hearings are confidential.  All the rest of the people there for court were waiting outside.  The judge asked us a series of pretty dumb for our situation (but legally necessary) questions like if Anju owned anything of value like land, and if we truly thought she was better off being adopted by us.  She asked us each if we desired to adopt her, and be her parent (and then specifically mother or father) and take on all the responsibilities of that duty.

She asked Solveig and Jonah if they desired to have Anju for a sister.  Solveig answered, "Yes."  Jonah aswered, "Yes."  Then a little 2-year old voice said, "Yes." 

The judge acknowledged all their responses and declared that she would sign the petition for adoption.  She got up and went through a door for a few moments.  She returned with 3 Beanie Babies, which she distributed to the children.  Jonah was so tickled to have been given a "souvenir" of this special day by the judge.  She then volunteered to pose for pictures with us, which are on my parents' cameras and hopefully I will be able to post some soon.

I have felt like Anju's mother since November.  I didn't need a judge to declare me her mother.  However, when I left the courtroom, I felt the way I did when I left the hospital with my newborns.  There was a newness to our family, and a great sense of love and responsibility for a little person.

I was glad Solveig and Jonah were there, since Anju will be too small to remember this important day, and they will be able to tell her about it as she grows.  They were really made to feel like a part of the adoption hearing, and I very much appreciated that.  

She is no longer "Anju No Name Given", for she has been given a name and a place forever in our hearts and lives.  Welcome to the Stafford family, Anju Grace!

Adoption Day!

The new American, Anju Grace, on her Adoption Day!

(more details to follow)

Labor Day weekend trip to ND and off to school!

Anju at what was at one time her great-grandfather's farm

Visiting the cows at the farm

Enjoying the Stump Lake Threshing Bee

Control panel in the Ronald Reagan Minuteman Missile Historical Site

near Cooperstown, ND

The missile site

Solveig and Jonah's first day of school

A little hill rolling

Secrets of the Yi-Yi Sisterhood

Guest blogger: Solveig

Hello, I am Yi-Yi. That's what Anju calls Me, Solveig Stafford. Anju and I do many things together, such as sports and book-reading. Another thing we do together is take baths. Today, Anju refused to scrub herself, even though I was. To get her to wash herself, I made up the "Pop The Bubbles" game. I scrubbed a bar of soap on the body part of her choice, then she took the washcloth and sort of slapped the bubbles away saying "Bye, bye bubbles!"


After that, it was time to wash our hair. Mom gave each of us some Monkey Shampoo, ( It's the Suave Kids kind with animals on it, so when we get the bottle with a monkey Anju has us make monkey noises.) so I started to lather mine in. Unfortunately, Anju does not like washing hair either. So, she gave me her shampoo, lathering it into my hair. Then she tried to rinse my hair and did not succeed at all whatsoever. She filled the cup with water, then dumped it on my face.

Won't she say "Ow, eye" like she says for herself?