Perspective

Anju sees a little brown girl on the computer screen. She immediately knows she is from India, and recognizes the orphanage furniture in the background from pictures of herself. "Look! My friend born from India!" she giggles with delight, even though she's never met this girl.

It got me thinking how many "India friends" this girl has. She could name at least 6, likely more, and the closest one geographically to us is in Illinois. Technology has opened up a whole new world of communication for everyone- friends, relatives, classmates- they can all know what each other have for breakfast through Facebook and use the "friends and family" rate on their cell plan to call each other for free at will. No more waiting for the weekend or 11 pm to call your mom. In another country? No problem! No $800 phone bill is necessary to share your experiences- just blog or e-mail your loved ones.

So how will this change the way my internationally adopted daughter grows up? Adoption books are full of anecdotes from adult adoptees telling of their difficult emotional pilgrimage of identity crisis or anger. Certainly in the past, having a community from the same country/culture in your neighborhood has been a positive thing. So has knowing other adopted kids you can relate to. Discussing the adoption and motivations and showing pictures and telling the story are also important tasks. But what she's got is different.

She mentioned a few months back that all daddies are pastors and all mommies are mamas. And, looking from her perspective, that's true. Pretty much all of our social contacts are with families where the dad is a pastor and the mom is a mom. Likewise, Jonah used to talk as a preschooler that when he grew up he would be a pastor and his wife would work for the city. Yep, makes sense from what he saw.

At this point, especially since she hasn't started school yet, Anju is pretty convinced that having white parents and an Indian kid with white siblings is extremely normal. And, having "internet" friends that you see only rarely-if at all- is pretty normal too.

A few days ago we were snuggling in my bed, and I said something about her being my girl. She looked at me and said, "Actually, I maybe not your girl. I born from India." After assuring her that she was indeed my girl and it didn't matter if she was from India, I momentarily wondered if all this India-talk was affecting her in a way I hadn't considered, putting her difference front-and-center instead of on the side.

But, watching her beam at her new little India friend on the computer reassured me. She is happy and proud of being from India. She instantly feels bonded to other kids with similar stories. She will have a community of support unprecedented by the adoption literature of the '90's. When she feels different and alone, she'll have her India friends to e-mail. She might even know what they had for breakfast! She will be OK.