Adoptive mother ramblings

For my birthday, I purchased a DVD at Target that was on sale for $10 of the first 2 seasons of the TV show "Jon and Kate Plus 8" that I've heard so much about. Since we don't get that channel, (and soon will have no channels) I hadn't seen it and thought the story of a family with 6-year old twins and 2-year old sextuplets sounded like encouraging entertainment for me when I had 20 minutes to sit and relax.

Well, the time to relax never came, but I discovered that Anju enjoyed watching the busy toddlers on the tv, so I was able to watch one episode every couple days even if she awoke from her nap early. Knowing several large families myself (6, 10 even 12 kids) I was not shocked to see the chaos and hard work managing such a family brought this couple. I was not shocked to see them all helping and caring for each other, either.

Jon and Kate are Christians. They speak at churches in their Pennsylvania area to inspire others. The television show is very sketchy about the faith issue, as it is not a Christian show. So, when I heard that they had a new book out, "Multiple Blessings", I requested it right away from the library.

It was very interesting to read all the background information about the birth of these babies. As a woman and mother, I think we are drawn to this kind of story: the love of a couple growing and the addition of children to form a family. The inspirational content was pleasant enough to read. I could see that through it all, Kate and Jon's faith was a great encouragement and support to them when things were tough. Besides the medically difficult pregnancy, Jon lost his job twice (companies didn't want to pay insurance for his 6 soon to be born preemies) and Jon's father's health was poor and he eventually died soon after the babies were born.

However you may feel about fertility drugs or IVF or any of that (a whole other issue), there were aspects of the book that troubled me. First of all, their motivation for trying for baby #3. They had used fertility treatments to conceive their twins, since Kate does not ovulate. She wanted a third, while Jon was satisfied with 2. Kate worked as a nurse, and through her job found herself in a position where a teenaged mother asked her to adopt her newborn. Jon's family apparently wouldn't have done well with them having this child, (the child's father was black) but the adoption option convinced Jon that they should do more fertility treatments and have child #3.

Now, as a newly adoptive mother, I felt offended. I'm not sure if I should have, but I did. The way it was written in the book came across to me like adoption = raising someone else's child who would never be a full member of your family. Better to inject yourself with hormones that make you feel terrible and be absent from the lives of your existing children for months than take on "someone else's child". Again, probably not what they felt, but it is how it resinated with me.

She describes in page after page her guilt over not being there for each of her babies and her twins. She talks about how she only really initially bonded with the baby she was allowed to hold right away, and how others it took awhile to bond to. She talks about how volunteers and family members knew more about some of her babies than she did, and when Jon and Kate were finally on their own, the volunteers would have to teach her what each baby likes or doesn't like. She expressed her guilt about this several times. Reading this made me so sad. I saw too many children in India who did not have the nurturing of a mother.

Now with the birth of these California octuplets, who as we learn more and more about seem to have been born in less-than-magical circumstances, I wonder about the whole deal. Kate has given the octuplets' family the encouragement that it is all "God's plan". I won't argue if it is or is not, but wonder why multiple births/biological kids are automatically God's plan, but adoption is not immediately recognized to be so- at least by this family.

Anju talking to Auntie Sara

Prayer police

So, what's going on with Anju? Well--she's quite busy growing excessively (must be 5 or 6 inches at this point), eating excessively, loving her mama excessively, and learning excessively. She is learning words and signs rapidly. She needed help getting the backing off of a foam sticker, so I taught her the sign for "help" (one hand open the other in a fist with thumb up, flat hand pushes thumb hand up) and then took the backing off. She grabbed another sticker and signed back, "emp" with both flat hands moving up. So, the sign isn't perfect, but she's got the meaning and motion down.

She likes to draw our attention verbally and with pointed finger who is not behaving during prayer time. She is our little prayer police- making sure all hands are folded, eyes are not wandering, and lips are moving appropriately. Her siblings really appreciate this. She loves praying- as soon as she is in her high chair, hers are the first hands folded. Even at night time, when she knows this is the "end" and she'll have to go "bye-bye", she is excited to pray.

Anju loves yogurt and sour cream and cool whip all of a sudden. The three were not good, and then all three were incredibly good suddenly a couple days ago. She also likes to eat spaghetti sauce as soup. While her siblings like ramen noodles plain with butter and parmesean cheese, she likes hers with curry powder or sesame oil or some of the dreaded seasoning packet the noodles come with that I've rarely used. She loves her Nido (milk powder we gave her in India) that we can get locally at Wal-Mart.

I can hear the struggle going on downstairs and Shawn keeps saying- "Mama, are you ready??", so off I go to spend another day with my Sweeti!

Almost home!

Please pray for my friend, Brooke, who will be arriving home this afternoon with her mother and new daughter. Please continue to keep this family in your prayers as they adjust to life in the U.S. after challenging events abroad, and the ongoing adjustments adding a new daughter will necessitate. We are praying for you, Brooke!

Toddler, anyone??

This is what a lot of my yesterday morning looked like--and just this once, since my camera was in hand, I decided to document it for Anju instead of deal with it. The mornings are the toughest time for clinginess and refusal to walk/crawl on her own. She wants to be carried. Sometimes she only wants to be held in one spot. Basically, she wants mom to do nothing but stand still and hold her. We've got a strong-willed girl on our hands!

Winkel Kids!

We drove to Audubon yesterday for our monthly circuit pastor's meeting (winkel). Anju was so happy to meet so many kids! She also appreciated our hosts' animals- a puppy and a kitty to play with. She was enamored with the two babies, Inge and Grace.
She was a tad disappointed this morning to discover that her brother and sister had left for school and it was just Mama and Daddy again. She really thrives in a busy, multi-kid environment.
This picture is the winkel kids- one boy is behind another, and we're missing a baby, but you get the idea. These kids are from 4 families. We have been greatly blessed!!

Were is Pup Pup?

During Solveig's piano lesson tonight, Jonah and I stayed home and played with Anju on our couch for about a half hour. The whole time we played, "Where is Pup Pup?" Anju would shove her puppy "Pup Pup" down into the crack of the couch cushion and shrug her shoulders with one hand in the air as if to say "Where is it?" Then Jonah and I would try to find it in funny places, like down her shirt or in a place it could never fit- like inside a tiny candle holder. Then she would point to the crack in the cushion and pull it out, laughing how dumb we were. Then she would kiss Pup Pup on the mouth and shove her back in the couch. I swear, we played this for a half hour, her always hiding Pup Pup in the exact same place. Jonah did a great job of humoring her--I figured he'd bore of this baby game, but he had fun pretending to look.

Her sister did the same thing, and it reminded me how toddlers at this stage will play hide and seek and hide in the same place over and over, not realizing that if it worked once, it won't be a good place the 3rd or 4th time.